Easy Ways to Improve Active Listening in Coaching

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we give others is our presence. Being in the present and in the moment with someone can be the most profound thing we do on any working day.

What is the Importance of Active Listening in Coaching?

In coaching, active listening refers to the coach’s practice of fully focusing on and engaging with the coachee’s words, emotions, and underlying meanings.

It goes beyond merely hearing what is being said.

The coach listens attentively, without judgment, and with an open mind, paying close attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, such as tone of voice, body language, and emotions.

Effective listening in coaching involves reflecting, paraphrasing, or summarising the coachee’s words to ensure understanding, asking powerful questions to explore deeper insights, and providing space for the coachee to think and express themselves fully.

This process creates a safe, supportive environment where the coachee feels heard, understood, and empowered to explore their thoughts and make meaningful progress. 

(1) Active Listening Makes You Present

Being truly present and listening intently is essential in the workplace, especially for leaders. Critical listening helps us evaluate and respond thoughtfully, but active listening is where it all begins.

Without active listening, we miss the opportunity to understand others, be it their perspectives, ideas, opinions, or concerns.

In essence, we fail to hear them at all.

Let me share a story: Recently, a leader in one of our ICF coach training programmes was coaching in one of our mentor coaching practice groups.

In these groups, the coach receives feedback in a supportive and safe environment. During the feedback session, I introduced the 80/20 rule we follow in coaching, where the coach listens for 80% of the time and speaks for 20%.

I gently pointed out that, in this case, the coach was closer to 80% talking, and not practicing enough active listening.

This created a moment of awareness for this coach.

A few weeks later, the coach shared how they realised that when with their team, they also did most of the talking.

This senior leader, managing a high-level team, had often found themselves speaking more than listening, giving advice, and expecting immediate action. After consciously shifting the balance to practice active listening, with 20% talking and 80% listening, the results were immediate.

First, the team started sharing their ideas more freely, and, as expected, they mostly knew what needed to be done.

Secondly, the team’s productivity increased. By being truly listened to, they felt empowered to take ownership of their ideas and implement them. This is an example of how listening in leadership can transform team dynamics and performance.

It wasn’t complicated; it was simply committing to quiet and listening with curiosity. How to be an effective listener is not about speaking more, but about creating a space where others can share, think, and act freely.

The challenge for all of us, myself included, is that we must decide to listen and be fully present. Effective listening is an active, conscious choice. Listening is an active act.

It isn’t passive – It requires focus, energy, and commitment. Too often, we are distracted, and busy, and find it hard to offer the kind of presence that is truly needed by others.

(2) What Does Presence Look Like in Coaching?

So if active listening makes you present, what does presence look like in a practical sense?

Presence in coaching involves being fully in the moment with the person you are with. Without distraction, without devices, just listening and ‘being’ with the person. It doesn’t have to be for hours – one minute of our full attention and presence with another person can make all the difference.

Presence in coaching is a powerful tool that allows us to create a space where the person we are with feels truly heard and valued.

In essence, presence is a combination of being fully focused and being in service to the coachee, giving them your undivided attention and creating a supportive environment for growth and insight.

People can sense when we are with them and when we aren’t. They know when we are listening, and they know when we are thinking about somewhere or something else.

Even if you are talking to someone on the phone, the other person knows if you are really listening or listening whilst doing emails.

Personal presence is important in these moments; it’s the ability to show up fully and connect with the person, regardless of the situation.

I like to think about presence as an act of being – I am being with this person, and see listening as an act of doing. We are in service to the person we are listening to.

And so when I am present and listening, I am both being present and actively listening. When I am present and giving the person my full attention, I am also aware of them as a whole person. I am listening to all they are sharing.

I am listening beyond the words. This is embodying full presence in coaching and leadership – when we are engaged both mentally and emotionally with the person, and not just the content of their words.

I feel full presence in my body, and listening is more in my mind. Together, they create the ability for us to hear the whole person.

Presence and listening together help us to access our intuition, to be aware of the other person’s feelings, and the stories about themselves they are holding or the things they aren’t telling us.

And it really starts with listening.

(3) Insights on Active Listening from Nancy Kline

So how good are you at listening and being present? I am guessing you might say you are pretty good at listening.

Most of us believe we are good – but my own story has shown me how there is always room for improvement.

Twenty years ago, I had the privilege of training with Nancy Kline in what is called the Thinking Environment.

I learned so much from Nancy, both through training with her and through her book Time to Think. Just being present with Nancy changed the quality of my listening immeasurably.

It has impacted how I teach coaching and how I present myself to everyone in my life. And I gained two lifelong friends on the journey of our training!

When I started with her, I was pretty confident about my listening – but it soon became clear that I was only a surface listener.

I was listening, but also listening to myself, all the judgments I had about the other person, and sometimes planning dinner. Over the 10 days of the training, I learned to tune my ear and personal presence more fully to the person I was with.

Nancy describes the quality of attention we give one another as crucial to enabling the other person to think clearly. She believes that, too often, we don’t listen for long enough to allow this process to unfold.

An exercise, which you can try, is to listen to someone for between 3 and 5 minutes without talking at all. You can nod and smile – all you do is give the person your full attention and listen. This is incredibly hard. What I learned from doing this over and over again was that I could settle into just listening, and then into presence.

I didn’t have to speak, because when the other person was deeply listened to, they started to listen to themselves. They started seeing their own wisdom in a way that they hadn’t before.

The very act of not interrupting, of not even asking questions, means I believe you, the person I am listening to, are an intelligent, whole human being who has depths and wisdom waiting to come to the surface.

By closing my mouth and paying full attention, I create the environment to do this.

Nancy also places great importance on listening in leadership and listening very closely to the words the person is using and reflecting back on these, their exact words.

Not yours – just theirs. I saw this happening very skillfully in a coaching group this week, and the impact on the coaching client was huge. It led to new insights, and yet it was so simple.

On our ICF coach certification programme, students often talk about how learning to do this well impacts the whole of their lives.

Work, home, kids, parents, friends: when we develop our listening muscles, everyone benefits!

(4) Steps to Improve Active Listening

Tip 1 – Reflect Back

Think about yourself as a listener.

1. When you listen, what are you listening for?
2. Are you listening so you can respond quickly? Are you truly listening to what the person is saying?
3. Even further, are you listening beyond their words, to their feelings, anxieties, and concerns?
4. Or are you listening, but wondering when they will finish so you can get back to what you were doing or share your own story?

When we are listening, our egos are often triggered to share our own ideas or concepts instead of staying with the idea the other person has just shared.

A simple technique to show someone you’ve heard them is to briefly summarise what they’ve said. Reflect back and say, “What I heard you say was…,” followed by, “Have I understood correctly?”

This technique can be more effective than asking questions – it often prompts the other person to extend their thinking, come up with new ideas, or find different ways to solve their challenge.

For example

Instead of sharing our own ideas, we simply reflect back. We can also ask, “What else do you think about this? What else do you see?”

Putting it in practice

In meetings and day-to-day interactions, we can notice the pull between diving straight into business and taking time to connect with others and find out how they are. We can tune our presence in coaching into each other. When we take the time to check in with each other as humans, the work flows more smoothly, decisions are easier, and we become more open to effective listening and collaboration. Just by taking this time to build trust, listening deeply, and being curious about each other, we can create stronger connections.

You could try this now. Go be with someone near you and ask them how they are. Then, be truly curious, asking open-ended questions and simply holding back, active listening. Notice how this works.

Tip 2 – Think Back to Your Own Experience

To help you think about how to improve your presence and listening – think back to your own experience. Think of a time recently when you felt really listened to and felt heard.

• What was that like?
• What was the listener doing to leave you with that feeling and experience?
• How did you know they were present with you?

Think about times when you didn’t feel listened to or heard.

• What was the person doing to leave this impact?
• How did you know they weren’t present with you?

I notice in my own world that if I become aware someone isn’t really listening to me I lose my inclination to share, I feel like withdrawing and contributing less. What about in a virtual world?

• Can you tell whether someone is present or not with you in a virtual world?

For me, when I’m on a call and the other person is doing something else, I question whether they value me or my time. This is where listening in leadership and active listening in coaching becomes crucial.

Being present with others shows you value their time and input.

As you think about these examples, what can you do to deepen your own presence and active listening? We can all learn to listen more effectively and be more present with others.

Tip 3 – Have Self-awareness and Attunement

Another way we can learn to be more present is by becoming more aware of ourselves. This is where self-awareness, an essential ICF competency, plays an important role for coaches hoping to get qualified.

Learning to listen well involves becoming aware of our thoughts and judgments while truly listening to the other person.

It’s called meta-cognition. When I am listening, I am aware that my mind is saying things like, “Oh, I wouldn’t do that,” or “I know what you should do,” or “What time am I supposed to pick the kids up?”

Developing as a listener involves learning to notice these messages in our mind and getting better at tuning them out, bringing our focus and attention back to the person we are with. This ability to manage our internal thoughts is part of building emotional intelligence, which helps us stay fully present and engaged with others.

We also do this with self-compassion, not criticizing ourselves for not listening, but simply learning to be more aware and getting better at bringing our attention to the other person.

We teach you more about meta-cognition and self-awareness in our Level 1 and Level 2 ICF programme. We also offer a snippet of this topic in our free masterclass on the neuroscience of misery.

Tip 4: Active Listening Goes Beyond Words: Look at their Tone, Body Language

Another key element of listening is that words are really only a small part of our conversation. The person we are with will be expressing much more than the words they are using. Paying attention to what might be beyond the words may help us to understand the other person more.

For example, they may be talking about an organisational client they are providing a service to. Their words may seem straightforward – however, if you listen closely you hear some hesitation or concern in their tone of voice.

Being curious about this can help them to talk about potential blocks or challenges they are having with this client. Maybe they are intimidated by the client, or maybe they are excited that there is more opportunity than you are currently delivering.

We show you how to pick up on tonality and body language in our guide on how to go deeper in coaching. Check it out!

To sum up…

Listening is a muscle and we can all build it! There are a couple of simple exercises you can try to build your listening muscle.

• Next time someone comes to your desk to ask a question, stop everything, turn to face them. Maybe stand up so that you are looking at each other. As you listen, resist the temptation to ask questions, just listen, then reflect back on what you have heard and see what happens.
• At a different time you might listen for different things. Notice the person’s body language – what might this be telling you about their situation? Are they expressing any emotions through language or tone of voice? What words are they using to describe their situation which might give away something more than the actual issue.
• You can try this online too. When someone sends you a chat message, stop what you are doing and be really curious about what the person is communicating. Are you hearing all of what they are trying to say? And if you aren’t sure – be curious, maybe even jump on a call with your curiosity. 

Learning to listen really well is hard. I encourage you to commit to developing your own listening, treat it like a muscle to develop, Don’t be hard on yourself – just aim to listen well more than you do now.

Become more aware of your listening and slowly you will notice it becomes more natural. Ready to refresh your listening skills and truly engage with the people in your life – at work and beyond? 

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About the Author

Jean Balfour is Managing Director of Bailey Balfour and Programme Director of our ICF Accredited Coach Training Programmes. Jean is passionate about helping people to have good conversations both at work and at home. She believes that coaching is a life skill and that you never regret learning to coach.

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