Becoming a Relational Leader

This blog is adapted from Episode 94 of Making Sense of Work.

We’ve all come across different leadership styles such as transformational, transactional, servant leadership, autocratic, and more.

Today, we’d like to introduce a leadership approach that some of us may already be practicing. It focuses on prioritising relationships as a foundation for achieving bottom-line goals and incorporates coaching methodologies to solicit solutions from our team.

This approach is known as relational leadership.

What is Relational Leadership?

At the heart of it, relational leadership is about connecting with others. Relational leadership is about focusing on people as much as on tasks and outcomes.

It prioritises building trust, open communication, and fostering meaningful connections within teams. While it doesn’t neglect business goals, it ensures that people feel valued, heard, and empowered to do their best work.

At its core, relational leadership is about connection. It’s about leaders creating an environment where there is psychological safety.

Where team members feel they can express ideas, admit mistakes, and contribute fully without fear. This approach balances the need for achieving targets by cultivating a supportive and inclusive team culture.

Looking Back….

Think back to the best boss you’ve ever had or a standout team experience. Chances are, what made it memorable wasn’t just what you achieved but how you felt working with those people.

I vividly remember one leader I worked alongside in a high-pressure healthcare setting. He was a senior leader who, even under immense stress, prioritised relationships. He treated people with kindness and respect, creating a team environment where there was trust. On the rare occasions when he needed to be task-focused and directive, his team accepted it without hesitation. Why?

Because they knew that, come the next day, he’d check in on them, making sure they were okay after the crisis.

When reflecting on the worst leaders I’ve encountered, a common thread emerges: a lack of concern for individuals, focusing solely on personal or organisational needs. One manager was completely lying to us, while another used bullying to force people out of the organisation.

Those leaders eventually left and when a relational and kind leader succeeded in taking over their roles, they delivered high performance without resorting to bad leadership tactics.

Challenge Faced by Many Leaders Today

Even well-meaning leaders can sometimes fall into a middle ground. They become so busy with tasks that they unintentionally neglect connection.

This serves as a reminder that relational leadership requires ongoing intention and effort, even under pressure.

This experience shaped my understanding of relational leadership. It’s not about neglecting business goals or avoiding tough calls.

It’s about recognising that achieving those goals depends on the strength of your relationships.

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak about relational leadership with a group of senior HR leaders, who were already convinced of the value of people-centered leadership and servant leadership. Many highlighted the challenge leaders face today –  balancing the pressure to deliver results with the need to care for their teams.

Even leaders who naturally prioritise relationships can become overly task-focused under stress, sometimes neglecting their people and how they feel, including themselves.

So why is relational leadership so important and how do we find the right balance to make relationships and our goals priority?

Importance of Relational Leadership in Daily Work Process

During my work on a large patient safety programme in UK hospitals, I explored how leaders could create safer environments for patients. A great example comes from high-stakes environments like airlines and operating theatres. In these settings, communication and teamwork are embedded into processes like pre-flight briefings and surgical checklists, recognising that strong relationships directly impact outcomes.

In the airline industry, research on air incidents revealed that clear communication among flight crew directly impacts their ability to resolve issues.

Since pilots are often task-focused and introverted, they may not naturally connect. To address this, Cockpit Resource Management (CRM) training was developed, focusing on communication, teamwork, and leadership skills.

Processes like pre-flight briefings and walking together to the plane were introduced to foster open communication and relationships.

Similarly, in operating theatres, surgeons who are often highly task-focused may not engage relationally with their teams before surgery.

Recognising the impact of poor communication on outcomes, the World Health Organization introduced a surgical checklist.

This global tool ensures critical checks are performed and encourages team connection by having members introduce themselves before starting.

These examples show that in high-stakes industries, building relationships isn’t optional. It’s integral to success, demonstrating why relational leadership should be seen as essential rather than a “nice-to-have.”

The same strategies can be applied to today’s organisations.

So how can we integrate relational practices into our daily workflow to enhance both our connection with teams and our performance?

Here are 7 Ways to Practice Relational Leadership

1. Build Psychological Safety

Relational leadership is grounded in fostering psychological safety, trust, and meaningful connections within teams. As Amy Edmondson defines it:

“Psychological safety is not about being nice. It’s about giving candid feedback, openly admitting mistakes, and learning from each other. It’s about creating a climate where people feel free to express relevant thoughts and feelings without fear of being penalized.”

To build this foundation in the workplace, focus on these key elements:

• Trust and mutual respect: Ensure every team member feels valued and respected, regardless of their role. For example, openly recognising contributions in team meetings can foster mutual respect.
• Open communication and dialogue: Encourage regular brainstorming sessions where everyone feels safe to share ideas without fear of judgment.
• Seeing mistakes as learning opportunities: If a team project doesn’t go as planned, organise a retrospective meeting to reflect on what went wrong and find lessons, rather than assigning blame.
• Inclusion and belonging: During meetings, actively invite quieter team members to share their thoughts, showing that their input is equally valued.
• Open sharing and vulnerability: Lead by example. Share your own challenges and how you’re working through them to normalise vulnerability and build trust.

2. Start with Daily Interactions. Move from “Tell to ask.” 

Relational leadership begins with the simplest actions. A warm “good morning” or a thoughtful check-in can set a positive tone for the day.

For instance, in remote settings, you can use instant messaging tools like Slack or Microsoft Teams to greet your team daily. A quick message such as, “Good morning, team! I hope everyone’s doing well. Anything exciting happening today?” can start the day with positivity.

Additionally, adopt a coaching approach in your interactions. In coaching, we move from a mindset of “tell to ask.”

Instead of immediately offering solutions, take time to ask questions like:

• “What do you think is the best way to approach this?”
• “How do you see this situation unfolding?”

This shift shows trust in your team’s insights and empowers them to take ownership of their ideas. For example, if a team member struggles with a project timeline, asking what support they might need encourages problem-solving and collaboration.

Join us as we put this skill into practice in Week 1 of the Leadership Reset Challenge. Download our Leadership Reset Guide here. 

3. Listen with Curiosity and Empathy

Good leadership is grounded in active listening. You can start by applying the 80/20 rule. Listen 80% of the time and speak 20%.

For example, during a performance review, instead of solely focusing on your observations, ask open-ended questions like:

• “What do you feel has been your biggest achievement this quarter?”
• “What challenges are you facing, and how can I support you?”

Show empathy by acknowledging their concerns:

• “I understand why that situation felt frustrating. Let’s explore how we can address it together.”

This practice not only deepens trust but also helps uncover valuable insights about team dynamics and individual challenges.

4. Balance Tasks and Relationships

Effective relational leaders strike a balance between driving results and nurturing connections. Consider a scenario where a team member consistently meets deadlines but seems disengaged. Instead of focusing solely on the task, take time to understand the person.

For example, during a weekly one-on-one, ask: “How are you finding the workload? Is there anything that could make things easier for you?”

Encourage your team members to do the same with their direct team. This cascading relational approach creates a culture where both tasks and people are prioritised equally.

5. Prioritise One-on-One Meetings

Regular one-on-one meetings are a powerful tool to foster relational leadership. Use these sessions to discuss work progress, career aspirations, and personal well-being.

For example, if a team member shares they’re feeling overwhelmed, explore solutions together:

• “Would it help if we redistributed some of the tasks this week?”
• “Are there any tools or resources you think could make this project more manageable?”

These conversations show your team that you’re invested in their success and well-being, both personally and professionally.

6. Lead Inclusive and Collaborative Meetings

Inclusivity isn’t just about inviting diverse perspectives; it’s about actively engaging them. For instance, if you notice certain team members are less vocal during meetings, encourage their participation by saying:

“I’d love to hear your perspective on this – what are your thoughts?”

Be mindful of your own biases and seek out opportunities to connect with team members you may not interact with often. Simple gestures like scheduling a coffee chat with someone from a different department can uncover fresh ideas and foster a sense of belonging.

7. Celebrate Informal Connections

Relational leadership can be used in both formal and informal settings. For example, organising team lunches or virtual coffee breaks can create opportunities for casual conversations.

During these moments, steer away from work topics and ask about their interests or weekend plans. In one organisation, a manager started a tradition of “Coffee Chat Fridays,” where team members would pair up randomly for informal conversations. This simple initiative improved morale and strengthened team bonds.

To Sum Up

Relational leadership is about building trust, fostering psychological safety, and prioritising meaningful connections. Whether it’s taking the time to check in on your team’s well-being, pausing to ask thoughtful questions, or simply sharing a meal together, these actions can transform workplace relationships.

In Singapore, I’ve observed how lunchtime is often treated as a sacred opportunity to step away from desks and connect. A quick 30-minute meal with someone can deepen relationships and spark empathy, fostering a sense of teamwork that extends far beyond the office.

Make it a daily habit to pause and ask yourself, “How are people doing today?” The rewards of investing in these connections are immense, both in terms of team performance and personal fulfilment. To explore more relational leadership, check out our podcast and other episodes featuring inspiring leaders who embody these principles:

Episode 66: Helen Sanderson on compassionate leadership.

Episode 44: Mairead McCormack on leading a hospital through COVID.

Episode 41: Building a Mindset of Servant Leadership with Dr Maria Pressentin.

Bailey Balfour, we offer an ICF Level 1 coach certification programme designed for coaches and leaders interested in pursuing executive and career coaching. If you’re interested in learning more, you can download our brochure to review our curriculum or reach out to us for further information.

Making Sense of Work Podcast

How’s Work at the Moment? We all work – and yet we often struggle with work. Even very ambitious people find parts of work difficult. This podcast is for you if you’d like to build a new and better relationships with your working life. Join Jean Balfour and guests as they explore everything to do with our working lives, starting with how do we find our purpose, how do make sense of our organisations and what major movements are we seeing in the workplace today?

About the Author

Jean Balfour is Managing Director of Bailey Balfour and Programme Director of our ICF Accredited Coach Training Programmes. Jean is passionate about helping people to have good conversations both at work and at home. She believes that coaching is a life skill and that you never regret learning to coach.

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